“Be true to yourself.” I have really been struggling with feelings of insecurity, yes even after 14 years (edit:18 years now) of homeschooling!
As I went through my week my heart kept reaching for His. “Lord why do I feel this way ?”
and His reply kept echoing. “Be True To YOURSELF”
“But Lord WHAT does that have to do with the way I feel ??”
One of the root causes of my heartache was feeling as though I had somehow failed. I wondered why I felt this way? I have two children that have completed homeschool and are finding themselves and their place in the wider world and yet I feel as though I have not accomplished / completed something important.
As I pondered my feelings and via a conversation with a friend it became clearer. When I started homeschooling I was full of excitement and anticipation. I attended any and all homeschool meetings and listened avidly to all the conversations, diligently sought advice on different issues, carefully looked over anything new on the market, attended all the homeschool trips that fit our very tight budget and constantly strive to grow. It was all new and exhilarating. I looked forward to each monthly meeting, any homeschool conference and the fortnightly homeschool co-op meetings. Each time I heard what someone was doing that sounded wonderful I had added it to my list of what we were doing. I loved the results of what each of these families were doing and wanted that fruit for my family. As the years went by I began to become bone weary.
“Oh Lord I am sooo very tired, I just can’t anymore….”
The Lords answer was to pick me up and move me to another country…
This time it was from New Zealand to Australia.
Over time my strength returned but my heart still ached with inadequacy and His voice this week keeps saying: “Be true to YOURSELF”
I have spent the last week meditating on His words to my spirit and looking back it has become clearer. I now know what He is saying to my heart. Each time I had attended a meeting I would take each of the homeschool Mom’s who in my eyes were successful and given them a place of authority in my life. I had taken their family vision and tried to add it to mine. I had given them too much authority to speak into my life. I had not taken the new idea to the Lord in prayer and had not asked Him if it was for us.
I now realise that if the Lord wanted ALL those things for my children He would have placed my children in those families. He did not. He chose my family and I had not been TRUE to myself and who HE had made me. I had added all these carbon copies and the burden was too heavy for me and for my children. I had been trying to mold myself to look like these super successful homeschool Moms.
In Colossians 3:1 it says: Set your hearts on things above. This is the key that is setting me free and healing my heart. I need to focus on Him and His design for my family and not strive in the flesh to perform. I had been trying to do all these things to be successful in the worlds eyes and had taken my eyes off HIM.
He has been reminding me to ask Him and He will show me. I need to Trust in Him with all of my heart and lean not on my own understanding. As I acknowledge Him in ALL my ways He will make my path straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6).
My encouragement to you is to take your eyes off your homeschool friends (especially the super successful ones), homeschool leaders and the latest trend and place them firmly on your Lord. He has a plan for you and it is a good plan.
In His word this week He reminded me: Come to me all you who are heavy laden and find rest for your souls (Matthew 11:28-30). If you are exhausted or feeling overwhelmed take some time. STOP what you are doing and write a list. Prayerfully take it before your Heavenly Father and seek His heart for your family.
Be TRUE to yourself and who He has made you. When He formed you He placed within you all you would need through Him to succeed at the task He has placed before you.