Meet Sir N the star of this blog. His name means
One who is asked of the Lord and Brings much joy
Our journey to receiving the news of his pregnancy was a very long nine years on the roller coaster of hope and disappointment. In fact two weeks before our positive pregnancy test I had given up on the idea of having any more children and decided that this was it the Lord had decided our family was complete with two children.
This little man has been an amazing blessing in our lives and has brought each and every one of us smiles. His name is just how we felt when we were blessed with the news of his impending arrival in our family. He makes my heart melt and shows me what unconditional love looks like every day.
More hope . . .
During my pregnancy I experienced so many highs the main one being: we are going to have the large family we always wanted. After he was born I relaxed and spent so much time waiting each month for a sign of another I didn't fully immerse myself in enjoying the one in my arms. One year, two years, three years . . . went by.
Finally one beautiful Sunday morning in Spring - two little blue lines appeared. Joy! Excitement! Anticipation of another little person to love hold and cherish. Morning sickness, yes all is well.
In a twinkling it all changed with the words "I'm sorry Mrs R ....." tears, grief and a little boy who told me to tell Jesus to put the baby back!
Sir N faithfully prayed every night for three years. One night two beautiful brown eyes looked at me and said there is no point in praying Jesus does not hear. My heart broke. What do I say ?
So far it's been five very long years of secondary infertility and failed IVF cycles. Feeling like everyone was pregnant BUT me. . .
Looking back
Having two teens means that I have learned not to think too far into the future as sometimes the dreams are met with closed doors and you need to find new hope for your butterfly or just when you anticipate having another five or six years you find that you need to let go and watch your butterfly find itself.
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| Source: Pinterest |
In the Future
I am learning ever so slowly to appreciate the today's because they are ever so fleeting. My heart still longs and the conflict rages within. Conflict between being fully satisfied and wanting just one more chance. I'm learning to look at the little butterfly growing in front of me and appreciate him. I am so grateful to Susan for encouraging me to look at my child and see him for the person he is. I'm learning to look to the One Who created him and ask "Lord just how should I prepare this butterfly ?"
I would like to encourage you to enjoy your butterflies. Enjoy each one in their individuality. Enjoy them for their differences.
Blessings
Chareen
During the month of May I would like to introduce each of my children to you.
Releasing Butterflies this May
Hoping for the Butterfly - Mr T
Anticipating the Butterfly - Miss J
Preparing the Butterfly - Sir N
Hoping for the Butterfly - Mr T
Anticipating the Butterfly - Miss J
Preparing the Butterfly - Sir N
--ooOoo--
May is Ichthyosis Awareness Month. I will be partaking in a month long blog hop in honor of Peter and other children with Ichthyosis. Release the butterflies is more than about children with a rare skin disorder it's about each and every one of our children.
Susan will be having a weekly link up. Please join me in celebrating each and every child and just how special they truly are.
Here is Susan's Schedule
Links will be added here as the posts go live.
Release the Butterflies Posts:
- Wednesday, May 8, 2013 Susan Embrace the Wild Child, Release the Butterflies
- Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Susan Giving the Butterfly Time to Emerge
Nicole Releasing the Butterflies. Bug... - Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Susan Hold Onto Your Butterflies, but not too tightly - Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Susan The Butterfly’s Dazzling Colors Dance in the Sunlight
Nicole Releasing the Butterflies Wrap Up
Nicole Releasing the Butterflies. Turtle...
Lisa All the Same and Yet Different
Freebies
Oh Chareen, I was smiling with you as I read of your joy and I felt so sad to learn of your pain. I was reminded of the excitement of my own pregnancy tests and also the grief of my miscarriages. Like you, I'm trying to appreciate the present as I see my littles ones growing up so fast.
ReplyDeletePrayers and hugs, dear Chareen,
God bless:-)
{{hugs}} Blessings to you too Vicky. Thank you for being a part of my journey
DeleteChareen,
ReplyDeleteHe is a blessing indeed:) I had no idea my friend what a cross you carried{{{{}}}} I am honoured you shared and will be praying for comfort as you carry this cross.
Thank you for the hugs Erin and thank you for being a part of helping to carry my burdens. Blessings to you too.
DeleteThank you for sharing your struggles, Chareen. The world at large doesn't seem to understand the pain of losing a child or the dream of another child, but in the past several years I've met more and more women who've been touched by this. {hugs}
ReplyDelete